The Donald (2016)

Welcome to 5 o'clock in the morning. From 5 o'clock to 9 o'clock I write the Constitution of the United States of America.

From 10 o'clock until 11 o'clock I peed on Hillary Clinton's and Bernie Sanders' pamphlets.

And then I made up my own pins, which I had made in China.

Beautiful.

And then, where was I? From 12 o'clock to 1 o'clock I had my hair done.

From 1 o'clock to 2 o'clock I had my hair done.

From 2 o'clock to 3 o'clock I had my hair done.

And from 3 o'clock to 4 o'clock I had lunch.

At 4 o'clock I realized in 20 minutes it was going to be 4.20.

And that, my beautiful wives, is right now.

Oh, you're not here. It's 4.20. Let's go, baby. Come on.

Okay, girls, don't take too long.

Oh, that was fast.

I have a surprise for you.

Go on. Surprise for you.

This is your year.

Look at this, honey. You're doing great.

Oh, yes. Trump gets key party endorsements.

And look at this. It says you're a winner. You're already a president.

...