Outdoor Furniture

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Video Transcription

Hey, what's up?

Hey, what are you doing?

Nothing, just getting you to relax.

Sit in for a walk?

Oh, of course.

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That's what you do with bitches, don't you?

Yeah, come hang out with me.

I don't have anything to sit on, though.

I know what I can do.

Get over here.

Can you turn around? Can you make yourself?

Shut the fuck up.

Human furniture's stupid.

You're right.

There you go, problem solved.

I'm so glad it's raining today.

I know, right?

It's not too humid.

It's so relaxing.

I hate it when it's too humid, then my shirt gets frizzy.

It's nice to have a fucking loser use his furniture.

I'm glad it doesn't talk.

I know.

Well, I'm ******** him, so it's not like he can fucking breathe.

I think it's the greatest thing in the world to have human furniture.

Mostly because they're furniture,

but they can also grab my drink.

Let me drink again.

Oh, this breeze feels so good.

Move back a little bit more, though,

because I'm starting to make your smell get to me.

No, you don't want to smell that.

And they even change positions.

I know, it's so fun.

Not him, though, because if he drops you,

he's going to be dropkicked.

Or we can just drown him in the pool.

Ooh.

Oh my god,

we haven't even gone in the pool yet this week.

We should totally do that.

...

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