2 Dirty Little Blondes

I mean, no man should have that many selfies on his Facebook.

He's into MMA, CrossFit, his Grindr profile...

He said his friend put that up as a joke.

Apparently not.

His friend is the one he left me for.

I'm just at a loss.

I really have no desire to go on dates with dudes who are douchey and to which hair product...

I'm just so over it.

Well, have you considered the alternative?

What? Celibacy?

No. Another woman.

Maybe someone else who's been scorned by some closeted narcissist.

I have another client I'd like to put you in touch with.

I think the two of you would really hit it off.

You pretty thing. You're even prettier than I thought.

Glad that our therapist introduced us.

Really?

Yeah.

Well, I was excited before I met you, but now...

Now I can see why she talks about you so much.

And she never mentioned these.

She was just...

She said you were pretty.

And she said you look this yummy.

Good enough to eat.

I know. I always do.

Yeah, but girls are better than boys anyways and you know, you wouldn't even be missing

...