1 For Me, 4 For You

Perfect body, perfect hair, perfect style, perfect muscles.

Big and beefy and chiseled.

I should have seen it coming, really.

Too good for me, clearly.

See how that gooning, weighted out, self-obsessed, himbo airhead looks at you after this.

Little binding spell.

Not the first guy to tell me I'm too skinny.

140 pounds?

Think it's about time I bulk up.

Of course, I'd hate to do it alone.

So we're going to do a little magic here to bind what I eat to both of us.

For every five calories I consume, only one of them will stick.

The other four will be absorbed into your gut, my former friend.

Now, let's order some Taco Bell and donuts.

I've got a lot of gluttonous feasting to do if I want to bulk up.

Fuck yeah, bro.

Good workout today.

I've got such a pump in my pecs.

I hit a new weight today.

Yeah, fucking that sweet bubble buddy of yours in the shower afterwards was a great post-workout.

Of course, got my protein shake right here.

Trying to keep my intake at a gram of protein for every pound I weigh.

Last I checked, I was at a gram of protein for every pound I weigh.

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